You

GUILT-:

You sow the seed of guilt into someone ,you dont need anybody to impose  anthing-no rules .No barriers.No hellfire and damnation.No nothing.You sow the seed of guilt into someone unassuming and you have him for life .

Guilt is the most mysterious emotions of mankind.A  very human emotion,by this I mean even dogs and cats get angry . even they get sad,angry .They lust.They love.If they committ a "crime",they will admit or they will not,but they will not be "guilty".

Guilt is special.Guilt is mankind's most basic emotion and differentiates us man from animal.That is why our law commands guilty or not guilty and not just a simple "do you admit to your crime or you don't ??".

Guilt is the biblical basis of our genesis.Guilt drove Brutus to sui caedere .And month after month,year after year,it drives sisters of the Cistercian Order to flagellate themselves .

I will tell you of the power of this five letter word and what it inspires in a 9 year old child.

I was this tiny,happy little 9 year old creature .I came bouncing home one day and told my parents my school had organised this class picnic.The annual class picnic in a nearby park and we were to take permissions from our guardians.

My parents did not really mind but my grandmother who was living with us back then,still alive ,told me it was wrong to go.It was dangerous ,she said.Or something like that.15 Years is enough to make you forget the logic behind her displeasure but her disapproval and unhappiness rankles somewhat fresh to this day at times.

I went anyway.I was a normal ,happy little girl .As far as I recall,I had a good time too.

But after this incident ,something seismic shifted inside me.There were other incidents as they slowly come back to me ,in a chain like manner ,linked one to the other.

I ddint do well in my maths annual,my father scolded me very badly .I read Archies,my dad said archies was wrong to read,it spoiled me he said.And slowly,insiduously they brought about a change in me within a span of year.Within a year ,i becmae this surly,middle-aged 10 year old ,unhappy and anxious who just had to do well in class.It wasnt done consciously,nor planned or organized.but then sometimes unorganized crime is so much more effectual than organized crime of any kind.And since then i have always been like this.Guilty of laughing,of enjoying "too much",of being "too happy".Because it just isn't right is it?To enjoy too much,to go out too much ?

I am 24 today.A surly ,quiet young doctor.I guilty of laughing aloud ,talking too much .

Guilt has manipulated me into an old woman who doesnt like parties.Who is afraid of the loving,affectionate  fondling of her lover because it is wrong.

They raised me puritanical.

They raised me unhappy.

Guilt seeped like aroma into my veins and crippled my unhappiness for life.